Just nod if you can hear me.
I think about this blog a lot, and what it would be like to write again. What would I say? Is there anybody home, listening? Or am I just sending this into a Pink Floyd shaped dark side of the moon?
When I started this page I was 28 years old – I’m almost 41 now, and I’ve lived so many different versions of myself in that space in between. I think about who I was when I started this, a kid about to set off for a different life. I wonder what that younger version of me would think about my life now. Would she be surprised? Proud? Disappointed?
It’s hard to say. 28 year old me was not a person who spent a lot of time looking for opportunities to be proud of herself, but did manage to find every way in which to be disappointed by who and what she saw looking back at her in the mirror.
This version of me feels as though I’m just settling into who I am and what I want, savoring the reality that after so many years of struggle, I actually feel at peace with who I am, even if I am still trying to answer that big question of “why am I here”.
So there’s no big revelation here. Just testing the waters with myself about what it might look like to come out and speak about things again. Maybe it will be a regular thing and maybe it won’t be. But it you do happen to pop on by, it’s nice to see you. Let us hope not to be strangers.